“I do my thing and you do your thing
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine
You are you, and I am I,
and if by chance we find each other,
it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped”
These are the words from one of my favorite psychologists, Fritz Perls.
How much are we willing to let others be – and courageous enough to be who we want to be?
In a conversation with my close friend, the topic of True Love came up. In what seemed to be an inspiration of the moment – this analogy showered my frontal lobes:
“David, imagine sitting on the sand, in front of the ocean – that feeling you get when you look at the waves? OK…now imagine experiencing, with a person, THAT feeling – everyday!”
True Love.
I happened to catch myself giving a friend some telepathic counseling – so that he can fix a situation he is dealing with. My advice to him – for a split second – was: you gotta have a stronger ego! Wait a minute…that doesn’t sound right – I thought. Because if he stands by his ego this means his beliefs about his present situation get even stronger. There would be no flexibility – like what people call “closed minded”. If he wants to change his current situation, he needs to alter his beliefs, he needs to starve the ego. The ego LOVES false beliefs.
You know how spiritual gurus talk about letting go of the ego?…This caused me to question: what is this thing about “you gotta have a stronger ego”. Where did that come from? Who in the world invented THAT?
A weaker ego means a stronger truth. Your truth. It means letting go of your need for approval, of your need to be right, of your need to seem a certain way so that you can be loved. it means you get to be YOU. Having no ego is actually the most ideal. But because we live on Earth, the ego is necessary – not getting stuck in the ego, or further feeding the ego is the key!
Is there really such a phenomenon as a “broken heart”? We hear this all the time when people refer to the after-effects of a “painful” experience. Someone either said or did something that “hurt” us; leaving us feeling with anger or disappointment. As a result we choose to run towards the depths of our solitude along with a “broken heart”, leading to more self-flagellation. So I wondered, what is a “broken heart”?
If you were to say so and so, or this and that “broke my heart”; you are in actuality referring to your interpretation of someone else’s behavior. You are interpreting their behavior towards you as “painful”, or “intentional”. Your interpretation of your experiences or interactions arise from your mind’s set beliefs, which were shaped, most likely,in infancy.
Understand that Your pain was not caused by someone else, as that someone else is also facing their false beliefs and perceptions about THEMSELVES. We are always manifesting our false beliefs with others. Hence, you will continue to suffer and live in fear of “getting hurt” until you reach full awareness of your falsely adopted ideas about YOURSELF and your true nature.
So taking this into account instead of saying “this is going to be painful” or “this is going to break my heart” , you can say: “There is a good chance my false beliefs about my worth and my lovability will get triggered in this experience” or if you are experiencing a “broken heart” you can say: “ALL my false beliefs about me and my worth, just got triggered”.
I also concluded that by labeling an experience, mostly in relation to others and with others, as “painful” or “heart breaking” means that you are giving your power (identity, self-worth) away to that situation or that person. You are letting them dictate and define your state of happiness. On the other hand if you know and believe with every ounce of your being the degree of your worth and lovability – there can be no experience that will ever “hurt” you.
Every and all experiences (with ourselves and others) are a result of a belief that is projected by the mind.
If our experiences emerge from the mind’s set belief system – then isn’t every experience the same experience with different characters and a different stage?
To ponder: Is there such a phenomenon as a “new” experience?
There is a vase on the floor. The lights are on. The light waves are reflecting off the surface of the vase. Your retina receives the reflected light waves. Your occipital lobe then translates this received data: ‘the color blue’. Your mind then concludes that you are looking at a blue vase.
To ponder:
1) What ‘color’ is the same vase if you turn off the lights? What if you cover the vase with a blanket – is there a ‘blue vase’ under the blanket?
2) With the lights still off – can your senses perceive a vase?
Furthermore, can we not apply the same thought process to our daily experiences?
“A little thought soon shows us how false this notion of duality is. A thing is high to us when we have to reach up to it; low, when we have to reach down. High and low are related to our body.
Day is the light of the sun falling upon the earth; and it continually shines on it. Night is the shadow cast by the earth. Night and day are related to the earth.
Man and woman are related in their common humanity. Find the third point and duality disappears!!!!” – Ouspensky
Experiences/Emotions = Beliefs = Thoughts = The Mind.
If I can study The Mind; I AM not The Mind.
So I’m reading a book by P.D Ouspensky, a short read, “The Psychology of Man’s Possible Evolution” – great read! Gotta read it twice though – it is a gold mine!
In one paragraph he touches on consciousness and the sub-conscious – claiming that both are not permanent. This statement is contrary to what is typically discussed in association with the mind. Suddenly it dawned on me! I understood what Ouspensky was referring to!
We tend to believe that our earliest experiences/ideas have remained imprinted in our subconscious, which then triggers our conscious. I say, it’s not that today you are directly acting out THAT IDEA/BELIEF from your infancy (stored somewhere in the subconscious); it’s that at one point you had an experience and from that you acquired a belief that shaped you in some way. From THIS acquired idea you then created new experiences that reinforced that ORIGINAL belief, and you have now replaced that first experience with a newer one. You now stored THIS latest experience as proof of your ORIGINAL belief – and this phenomenon keeps happening over and over and over. Experiences are upgraded to newer, more elegant versions!
It’s not the ORIGINAL belief that gets stored and then drives our behavior – what the mind acts/reacts upon is the latest experience version from that ORIGINAL belief!
NOTHING is permanent or static – this universe and its components (that means you) are always in a state of flux. This is the main reason why you are able to train the mind, because a belief/experience from a thousand hours ago – is not permanently imprinted!
Unseen Divinity 